


unconditionally

by lazyfish



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Body Dysphoria, F/M, Mirrors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 20:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16070585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazyfish/pseuds/lazyfish
Summary: Bobbi is out of the hospital and back in her bunk with Hunter - but when she goes into the bathroom, she can't look in the mirror.





	unconditionally

Bobbi doesn’t recognize the monster in the mirror.

She knows the body she’s looking at is hers, but it doesn’t feel that way. Nothing’s felt right for such a long time now. She wants to blame it on the constant surgeries, the mental toll of being high on pain meds for weeks, but she just… can’t.

Bobbi knows the truth. So does the creature staring back at her, if the darkness in her eyes is anything to go by. They have been tortured, both Bobbi and her reflection. It has changed her body. It has changed her mind. And she hates it.

“Hunter?” She meant to be much louder than she was - she barely managed a whisper. She clears her throat and tries again. “Hunter?” Much louder. Better.

There’s a tap on the door not five seconds later. “Did you need me, love?”

“Come in.” The bathroom door’s unlocked, just as it has been since Bobbi was allowed to move back to her bunk. She desperately wants to assert her independence, but she’s afraid of what’ll happen if she locks the door. The fear is constant now, and even Hunter’s presence can’t quite drive it away.

He steps into the bathroom, and Bobbi doesn’t do anything. Her first instinct is almost always to reach out to him, but now she’s just disoriented and confused and she  _ doesn’t recognize herself _ , and that’s scary.

“Bobbi?” Hunter asks gently. He doesn’t try to touch her, standing instead with his back pressed against the door, as far away from her as he can be in the small space.

“Can you take the mirror down?” That hadn’t been what she was going to ask him, but Bobbi can’t do anything with her reflection looming over her like that. She needs to be better with herself, her literal self, before she can handle a second version of herself.

“Yeah, I can,” Hunter answers immediately. Bobbi has no doubt that he’ll make it happen, even though Coulson’s probably not going to be happy about the damage it might do to the walls - and the fact that there’s not any good place in the base to store something fragile like a mirror.

“Thank you.” She manages to rip her gaze away from the mirror, doing a half turn so she’s facing the opposite wall.

“Anything else?” Bobbi considers the question, trying to remember what she had been thinking of before the mirror had consumed her attention.

“I’m going to take a bath,” she announces.

“Alright,” Lance says. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” 

“No,” Bobbi croaks. “Stay.”

“Okay,” Hunter agrees readily. 

Bobbi’s already naked from her earlier inspection, so she doesn’t have to do much to get ready to bathe. Hopping over to the bath is easy even without her crutches, and she lowers herself into the bathtub before turning on the water. Bobbi winces as she jostles her knee on the edge of the porcelain. Hunter’s still at the opposite wall, waiting for her invitation to get closer or permission to leave. 

“Come.” She reaches a hand out for him as the bath finishes filling. Bobbi shuts off the water with her good leg, grabbing onto Hunter’s arm when he sits beside her.

She’s silent for a moment, just holding onto him. She’s getting his arm wet - he’s wearing a tank top, so at least it’s not his shirt - but neither of them seem to really care.

“I don’t like the mirror,” Bobbi mutters. Before Hunter can answer, she dunks herself beneath the water. She’s forced to emerge almost immediately, the strain of holding her breath too much for her injured lung. 

“That’s alright,” Hunter says, as if she hadn’t just tried to avoid his response. “Do you need help with your hair?” Bobbi has a hard time reaching her arm above her head thanks to the location of the bullet wound, so she nods.

Hunter reaches over her to grab the bottle of shampoo on the lip of the bathtub, carefully massaging the shampoo into her hair. Bobbi realizes about halfway through that he’s giving both of them an excuse not to talk, and she feels a sudden spike of fondness for Hunter. He’s been trying so hard lately, chasing away her nightmares and giving her space and doing basically anything she asks without a complaint.

“Am I different?” Bobbi asks as Hunter finishes with the shampoo. He dips his hands into the water to rinse off the suds, obviously considering her question.

“Yes.” Any other answer would be a lie, so she’s glad he gave that one. “But you’re still my Bob.” The water slaps against the porcelain of the bathtub as Bobbi turns, rather abruptly, to look at Hunter. He looks back at her, unashamed by the pure, unadulterated  _ love _ on his face.

“Bobbi.” Hunter’s voice is serious, and he leans forward until his face is just a hair’s breadth from hers. “Remember what you told me, when I left the SAS?”

She nods slowly, bumping her forehead against his.  _ When I love someone, it is unconditional _ . That was what she had told him. Bobbi can’t really believe that Hunter had once been afraid that she wouldn’t love him if he wasn’t a soldier. They had been so young then, relatively untouched by the world’s ugliness. Back then, Bobbi had really believed in unconditional love.

Now, she’s not so sure she does.

“With me?” Hunter asks, pulling her from her stupor. She nods again, and again their heads jostle together. 

If he had been anyone else, Bobbi probably would have abandoned the notion of loving someone unconditionally. Obviously she hadn’t kept her promise, because then they wouldn’t have divorced. But the world was more complicated than a broken promise.

“What I’m trying to say…” Lance says, trailing off. He huffs out a breath. “I don’t want to love you with strings attached, Bob. I’ve spent the better part of the last decade in love with you, and that’s not changing anytime soon. No matter what happens, I want to be here, with you.”

“We tried that before,” Bobbi murmurs.

“Yeah, and we learned some things along the way.” His face is uncharacteristically serious when she focuses on him again. “You really scared me, Bobbi.”

“Well you scared me,” she retorts. “You’re not allowed to die.”

“And neither are you.” Hunter kisses her then, desperation swimming just below the warmth of his lips on hers. Bobbi can’t gain any traction in the bathtub to chase him when he pulls away, and she slumps down, defeated. 

So maybe she and Hunter aren’t the best at the storybook romance. So maybe there are days she just wants to kill him. But every day she’d be willing to make the same choice she had when Ward had taken her; every day, she would jump in front of a bullet for him, even if it means she has to stare at the monster in the mirror for the rest of her life.

But Hunter will never see the monster, she realizes. Hunter will see her, will call her beautiful, will tell her over and over she is loved. Bobbi doesn’t doubt this, because if he ever told her he thought of himself in that way, she would tear the world apart so he didn’t.

She hates the mirror, and the creature inside of it, but there is someone who doesn’t. That alone eases some of the ache in Bobbi’s chest.

“Okay,” she says. Hunter blinks at her, and she nods. “Okay, you can love me.”

“Was sort of planning on doing that anyways, sweetheart.” He grins his dopey lopsided smile, and Bobbi can’t even be mad at him for it.

“You’re cute,” she whispers.

“You’re cuter.” He leans forward to kiss her again, and Bobbi feels lighter than she has in a long time. 

“You’re cutest,” she rejoins, smiling. He fake scowls at her, and Bobbi reaches up to tap his nose with her finger. Hunter scrunches his face. “See? Cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”

For just a little while, Bobbi forgets about the mirror, and the pain in her knee. She has her Hunter, and she is making him laugh, and she loves him - unconditionally. 

**Author's Note:**

> I love me some recovery fic. Please feel free to speak to me on [tumblr](https://huntxngbxrd.tumblr.com/)


End file.
